just because.. your there only one nemo in the ocean

you know what i hate the most, like I REALLY HATE THE MOST... that we can't change time, we can't sneak into the future, we can't get what we always wanted, because just maybe the person that you put your whole life and soul can't grant ur bday wishes for a couple years, 15, 16... nothing has changed in me, but in him, he has changed... he much happier with his friends then his family, he much into bboying then searching for girls, he more of a happy person that made a BREAK THROUGH his own weakness, his "friends* put a band-aid in his heart. it's always the right for him to have his decisions in life, his own what called, "freedom" but somehow, we just need to face each other someday, somewhere, just to clear things out, but that seems impossible... the ocean is so big that it hard to find it, the right time, the right place, the moment to cherish this lifetime, cause it's only one time. Like, there are other fishes in the sea but, there only one Nemo you are looking for.
CAN I GET THROUGH YOU SOMEHOW?
how come i can see your smiles through other people faces, instead of mine. or maybe you did, but, i can't catch you. i just dream that you did. how come that i can't deny that you totally let me go, and never come back to me? how come i feel so scared and nervous when you pass by me? how come i feel like a s t r a n g e r to you? are you out of your mind? do you realize, HOW GIRLS GET SO HURT THEY CAN EVEN DIE? they want to die because, they though there whole life, was to be with you, to be a reason for living. So, what if i can't go to another, i can't accept them, i can't say yes? because it was hard for me to accept you before, it was so hard, because i didn't know myself back then, now i do, because you broke me apart, and find the right pieces, but there only one piece that is missing, and that goes directly from your heart, that what i need. I need you to tell me, EVERYTHING of what you though of me, what you thought i was i believe, who you think i am now, what good changes i am, what bad changes i am, what you wanted to talk to me about, how do you feel when we broke up, how did you feel when we held hands, how did you feel when i moved, how do you feel when i pass by you somehow, how do wish i was. but i really want to ask you, "How can you fix me? what can you do? what is your most professional way of saving someone from dying? how can you make me live longer? how can you make me a happier person then i am now?" because each day, i'll be thinking of what you said to me, think about it so deeply, and meaningfully, and you'll see, how thankful to have you answer those questions for me, because you could be my l i f e s a v e r.