rough draft, still continuing.

Before you start reading. Find a place where your alone & keep this to yourself, because it will be the best for the both of us. it’s just between me & you. Even thou it’s long, bare with it because it’s good to know the truth by the one who sacrifice a whole lot, to get to this point where they have to do something about the past to move on to the future,happier.

Dear Jervie,
In this matter, I’m writing you this letter for my own sake (nobody telling me to do this) So, please take this as a sincere matter. I honestly want to tell you this in person but, since it’s difficult for me to do, i’ll write it instead. I’m hoping you will write back due to questions to be answered. I’ll ask you the questions later. So, it been since 8th grade until now, i still think of you. Somehow, you know things pop up that reminds you a certain someone and all that. Basically, you are like everywhere in my mind, in places, in terms of people that reminds me of you also. It’s scary yet, depressing too but, to clear it up this is the First Step on moving on.I wanted to tell you the moment you asked me out, or got hooked up, I remember clearly, this is like a shock for me,”Oh wow, I am going to be in a relationship,” But, at that time i was always going for those “attractive” guys. But, to me your not that bad looking at all (it took me honestly awhile to agree with that term). your pretty fit because your a b-boy. Before, you were like a skater type of guy and I used to not like those type of guys.When we were going out, we were holding hands people told us to do some couple-like stuff. Even when people were congratulating us & even say we do look like a couple too. That was a good compliment i’d keep to myself. I believe, as days goes by i’ve been thinking over head, like about my family & educational manners. Oh and i didn’t like how i look too, i feel like the way i look now is way much better. (my sisters know about it, not my parents but that afterwards, like a year later. ) I feel like we were too young or like i just began to have a normal lifestyle. even if you don’t remember, i remember the day we hugged after you walked me to my history class, when i was in history i was thinking of you and not paying attention in class. i realize now but not before it is natural because that how girls sense they are “in love”. Honestly, on the july fourth of 2006 that time where renee used to like you and i did at the same time. When that day she fussed over me and i was suffering so much. When i grabbed your hands and asked for another chance, you said no because you wanted to have,”Freedom”, it’s simple. I told you we can still be friends. As those days goes by i was drinking and i shoplifted too. I bet your thinking oh man she really a bad person after to all. When i found out you knew, i was telling myself I will never get that chance to be with him again.Then, i suffered more because i was in a term called, “Rejection”. It’s like a pill that takes time to let it go. It took me years to get over you, i got jealous a lot because I just went on a crazy roller coaster thinking,”Damn, she likes him. What the heck!” she as in Jonana. Yes her, i guess because I thought she liked you. and i was always telling myself while she was still single, i believe she has a boyfriend now, that she was the one that was able to make you happy and be the next girlfriend of yours. Well i thought a few more girls liked you but let me not mention their names. Honestly, If i gotten used to you in a friendship matter for a few years I think i would of become a better girlfriend then you think of. When i started to heal myself, i thought of way to study how couples become couples, and live a happy life even though there maybe troubles. I started to care about other people relationships more wisely and help them out. I was a bit in a love helper position. People adored how i thought of romantic ideas. Many friends that i’ve made were so into how in my perspective a real love is all about. Many friends were thinking that oh the next boyfriend will be lucky to have you, and i was like oh don’t think that, find a reason to hide the truth of everything going on inside me. But, anyways i don’t think you care about those stuff. But, in my honest statement that was the only was i can be a strong girl with a fragile heart. i wanted to see happiness in everyone. Even you, I want you to be a happy person. Here comes where i get stressed out a lot, when people ask me if i even been in love, or have/had a boyfriend, they make me go “ugh, i have to talk about this” i get stressed out. this girl name kimmy remember, she added you on myspace and talked to you on the phone and all, she was like forcing me to talk to you or something, I'm not friends with her anymore because she annoys the crap out of my past life. Anyways, I think the song “say goodbye” by chris brown did suit us a little bit except that you went with some other girl. “there’s never a right time, right time say goodbye...” We never really told each other off that it’s over, it’s done. we just silently set off to different paths in life. Especially, when i moved. I’m more of a stronger person because i don’t see you in my everyday life. If i did, i had to bare with it. Like remember we had P.E. together for the first semester in freshman year, I was like damn what am I going to do. But, ah the last conversation we really had was hard to remember, we didn’t verbally talked but chatted about how i can’t do push ups -__-; oh boy! you were like ha ha or something, and then i said shut up! and you did really shut up for a long time. I was trying too hard on myself. Ugh, REMEMBER (dude i remember a lot of things) we were math buddies, and you passed that class really good and I really didn’t really passed it, and you still asked for my homework. You need to do well in school, or future jobs, even b-boying too. Just don’t hurt yourself okay. I hope you have a good future, even though i feel like the world ending soon enough that we can’t do what we really want. But doing this is what i really wanted to do. As an accomplished thing, you need to reply back. Especially, answering these questions:
Write me anything, Ask me questions,write me about yourself that i don’t know. since i don’t see you at all anymore. Tell me what’s new with you.
-Did you honestly ever love/liked me? which one and why?
-When we were going out for a few days, how did you feel at that moment?
-After i called you for a rejection, how did you feel?
-What was important between us in our friendship?
-Have I ever crossed your mind, anytime?
-When you rejected me, how did you feel?
-Why did you reject me? (even though you answered this, please say it again)
-How come we never kept in touch?
-Why & When we didn’t even speak to each other at all?
-Have you fallen for someone else after me?
-What did you like about me?
-What did you hate about me?
-Could we refresh our friendship?
-Can I get to know you better?
-Can we keep in touch privately until were comfortable with each other at first?
-Was there any changes in you personality/physically/personally because of me?