I never thought I Could.

I'm now bringing up my feelings in the public, well. shine.yahoo.com XD blogging. about you. i want to see more comments about how they react, i should start blogging there not here. who will see it here? anyways, yah. maybe i can learn something new.
ask for advices & all.
let see how it goes. i'll do it on the weekend.
school started again today.
i miss break already :(
anyways.
peace out!
-Mina

If you NEVER moved on from your ex, and want to find a way GO CLICK HERE :)

Hi, I'm Carmina, I'm a 16 year old teenager girl and lived her life as for her own ex, even though me and him no longer contact anymore. But, we don't live that far from each other. Newark-Fremont. But, I live burden by rejecting him, and getting rejected. It's seems like a permanent situation where as thinking, "He was the guy i've always dream of being with. Everything i've ever wished for." He was my only boyfriend.

Have you ever thought of your ex-boyfriend for 4 years or more? Well, I do. Basically, everyday and night I'm always thinking about him constantly. it's scary because there never a day that he off of my mind. You know Why:

I never got to tell him the reason why i broke up with him in the first place
I am always keeping in contact with his sister
I keep writing poems about the break up, or what I wish i've done with him.
I am always praying for him at church to have a healthy long life.
I look at his pictures on myspace & photo bucket
On my birthday I wished about him to come into my life again

There is more but, this is good for now. I guess, it's hard right. To find ways to move on, when your trying your very hardest. You may like this idea,


STEPS TO DO WITH HIM TO BECOME A HAPPIER PERSON:
Firstly find a nice box,i call it the, "everything i've always wanted to do box" to put these items inside:
A letter about how you feel about him, questions you want to ask him, what you wish could have done. write something that you ever wanted tell him. it's good to write happy memories with these person. Of course, write about why you broke up with him in the first place.
Items you wanted to give him that you couldn't do it before-hand because you were living in misery.
You can give the person photographs with you and him. If not, then yourself and you can note why you put that photo for example: Me smiling big, the reason is because he likes to see me smile with laughter and joy.
So, you may put other stuff in there too.

Now this where YOU need to find a PERFECT day where you can start fresh and new with your ex-boyfriend by giving him that "everything i've always wanted to do box". The ONLY way you can do it, is going to his doorsteps at his HOME to give it to him and TELL HIM: This is for you, and I have to discuss many important things with you between us. Nobody told me to do this, it's for the best for my future because i want to be a happier & successful person after all this heartache and untold problems about you. it's been 4 (this is an example by the way so you can change it up a bit) years since i've lost contact with you and I really hope you understand this is the hardest thing i've ever done my whole life. (YOU CAN GO ON TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANTED TO SAY TO HIM AND ALL). such as, I wanted to tell my ex-boyfriend, What happen to US? Why aren't we talking anymore? Where have you been in my whole life?
The best location on talking to him about the stuff i've said above is at a park, lake, somewhere peace and quite, where it's just you and him.

I hope this works for me and I hope this works for you. I am starting to the "everything i've always wanted to tell you box" and so, please comment if your doing this. Ask me questions and such.

Thanks for reading.
-Carmina Canilao

Just a WISH i want to be granted.

Someday i want to have to urge to go on the stair steps to your home. Having the moment where i knock on that door waiting nervously. I want to be able to say,"Hey, is Jervie there?" and You showed up. Lending me the way into the house as a manly way of respect. I sit on your couch while you set me a glass of water. Your mom asked to stay for dinner. i said,"if he doesn't mind, then sure." Him looking a bit nervous. while i feel a bit surprised eating with his family of 4. Then, afterwards I asked jervie, i have something to show him but, not in the house. I told him, lets take it to the park. He was like okay sure. while waiting for the light to pass the cross walk I stared at him because i wonder how he going to feel about "the box of questions and memories". the moment we sat down i told him,"What I'm showing you now, is what i've prepare for you over these years we haven't kept in touch and all, these are all the questions and memories i've had in my head for years now, and i want to honestly reply it to me now because your the truth, nobody else." So, as we go by each question let list it instead.
-Did you honestly ever love/liked me? which one and why?
I wanted to fall in love with you but you ended it so short that i didn't have that chance, but i know that i liked you before, because somewhat you had something i really admire, it was your laughter and sense of humor.
-When we were going out for a few days, how did you feel at that moment?
I felt like it was a good experience even thou it was short, holding your hands constantly was very warm
-After i called you for a rejection, how did you feel?
I feel like what have i done to you to make you reject me, i don't even know why you rejected me, i felt like i was a good person now i don't think that anymore.
-What was important between us in our friendship?
I thought the math buddies and all such was important
-Have I ever crossed your mind, anytime?
yah. because people talked to me about you, and all such.
-When you rejected me, how did you feel?
I felt like i did the right thing, because yes i wanted freedom, yes i wanted to be single and break dance and such.
-Why did you reject me? (even though you answered this, please say it again)
Freedom.
-How come we never kept in touch?
i guess, because there a lot of drama about you before, i didn't want to be involve or like you moved so there was no way you know.
-Why & When we didn’t even speak to each other at all?
i guess because i knew you still liked me, and i guess because thats how couples do after they drift away
-Have you fallen for someone else after me?
Nope, i have been busy with break dancing.
-What did you like about me?
i think your laughter was the best, but now i guess there more stuff in you that i can like.
-What did you hate about me?
I never really hated you, maybe sometimes i thought you were annoying but i guess thats all.
-Could we refresh our friendship?
we can become better friends
-Can I get to know you better?
yeah, i guess, i feel like I'm the same guy as before.
-Can we keep in touch privately until were comfortable with each other at first?
I guess so, for the best of us
-Was there any changes in you personality/physically/personally because of me?
i don't really know, but you told me before to continue on break dancing, so i did. i guess.
So, there were more answers to questions and yet, i got what i wanted to know, it burden me to not know at all, so I'm glad to overcome this fear and step up for myself for my better future, now that i feel like me and him are so much better then before,
we exchanged cell phone numbers, and we became to talk about what we want to do in the future, yes we played around in the park. Today is was the most happiness day of my life, that i got what i wanted and he glad he got through me thick & thin. he finally understands me now :)


EVEN THOU THIS IS WHAT I WISH CAN HAPPEN, i'm just writing this because i feel like it good to imagine right? :) aha.