I believe in the future, my heart remains the same. So, then i won't run off liking someone i don't even know the whole book about. especially when the book is so pretty to be touched. Since, I am a girl that is different from most of the girls out there, i don't judge the book by it's cover. It's because i don't look at a guys appearance and see if he the one for me or not. I go inside out, i get deeper. i don't think liking someone you went out for a few days isn't a small thing. It means a whole world to me. It's because you will only experience such a remarkable feeling that youngsters will ever feel. Everyone has there own purpose in life, like why do you see me like this now and you never saw it before? It's because that i learned so much to overcome obstacles. Learning from your mistakes like that rejection someone you had a chance with for your lifetime. Rejection; a feeling of loss of love that it will be hard to cure. like a medicine, you keep on taking it until you feel better and move on with life normally. When obstacles occurs, you got to prepare yourself for it. being envious about someone that you think they are better then you, they got what you ever wanted and that word that seems so harshly painful to deal with is Jealousy; a feeling of being envy of it's achievement or advantage. This one girl twisted my life so hard that i couldn't be myself when it's come to facing someone that punches my heart so hard that i felt like i couldn't live any longer. Yet she is with another guy now. I wonder how he feels about that. is he okay? i have no clue. and i feel like that girl is the one that chooses the prettiest book ever. Have i overcome the feeling of being rejected and jealousy?
1/2 of me said yes and 1/2 me of me said no.
Because yet, i never moved on, moving on; the place in your life where you leave behind the past and go forward to the future and live life with no regrets. Moving on is a hard process especially when you know so much about the person and yet you know how to make yourself happy when you think,sleep,cry,talk,dance,etc. about him. It's like he is part of your life because without him you wouldn't be where you are today. without him, is like there is no meaning in my life. yet, i let him be my life story.
Ah, isn't it cute when the person that mend to put me and his hands together is like your best friend forever? so true! I believe so, that feeling holding someone hand is the warmest feeling in your heart, the one that keeps skipping a beat, butterflies in your tummy feeling. it's so brilliant yet i wished i held his hands forever more. like on friendship; you didn't need to worry about anything big, it's just having some fun and making memories. where me and him hangout a whole lot more during friendship because we were like the girls watching boys breakdancing. going to the park, people houses, and chill out like what real friends are for. Man, that reminds me of 7 o' clock phone calls. even thou i did most of the talking to him, but it's so sweet. I remember him playing the song, "Say Goodbye" by Chris Brown. like twice on the phone. and that one message, "i love you" like a whole lot of times. wait that relationship XD not friendship. Man, but me and his friendship were closer then it appear because we called each other math buddies because even thou we didn't have the same class together he needed my math notebook to copy off of. So, that was the best moments ever because i got to sit close to him. Mentioning when i did have class with him was in freshman year. Oh boy, PE. Man i felt so embarrassed having to be a model on what to wear for PE when i was sick and he was there looking at me. and i was looking down. when i told him that i couldn't do push ups that made it even worst then it sound. I almost forget to mention about softball games, ah he watched my softball games like twice i think, he was my lucky charm, when he lend me his wristband for the game was the best ever. Thats why my lucky number from 5 to 9 is all because of him, because my softball number is 9 and his birthday date is 9 also. how ironic is that? :)
In fact, Appearance doesn't really matter, i got to mention his appearance. from head to toes he looks shorter now since then i haven't seen him like in forever i think he got shorter. when me and him were together, he was like an inch taller than me. (isn't that a perfect height for a couple?) his eyes sparks me. lips are big like me. (is he a good kisser? i hope so, because if i get a chance to kiss him. i'll never stop) i've see it once and never again, his bod. he has a six pack. (SO SEXUAL) ah, i just drooled and couldn't see it after a glance. of course, a breaker needs muscles because they need balance. his voice is deep, but i like it. but you know what i like overall, his smile. it's mysterious to me because i don't really see him smile. what's behind it? is he really happy or is sad? there are unknown facts about him, because he doesn't show his emotions that much. he isn't that popular just because he breaks. what is up with him? is he going to be a shy guy forever? does he need love in his life? does he need a hug? i am worry about him to the max. i worry about this guy so much i get all panic about it and tell off my friends.
WHAT IF? what if he dies? then, i'll be invited by his funeral by his sister and be a widow forever. what if he with another girl? at first i'll be all WTF-ING and then maybe just maybe i'll calm myself down and support him all the way but that seems so impossible. what if i get to be with him again? the best ever, where my forever starts. what if i see him in the future alone? i will of course talk to him then because i would probably think he'll forget about me then or even now. what if i do a love confession to him like in those dramas? oh boy that a heck to the no that embarrassing what if he rejects me again, it's a scary feeling. enough with what if, because what if he changes into someone i don't even imagine? that a whole different story.
Anyways, always thought of future plans with this guy because i always day dream of if me and him were together, i wonder what i'll be talking to him about. like what are kids name will be, how if they can be like breakers like there own dad. or a chef like there own mom. it's cute because your kids have the mixture of you and your loved one together it's so cute. like me and him will be famous together. i want him to be my first kiss. Anyways, Daydreaming; a distraction which you are thinking about the person instead of focusing on something important. When i daydream, i make it big, because it's my own excuse because like him is like studying too.
Thats all i have said about him, it could be too much or too little. I could write more. But, like i said, he is like my life story. So basically i'll be writing about him again in my life. Probably about the same stuff, but who knows. I'll probably say this is a surprise. So, thanks for taking your time reading this.
Aug.8.08. Where i spend the whole day basically at great america. firstly, i woke up early because i had to be at the bus stop before 8:30 else we will miss it. the ride to great america was bumpy and yet i got scared. Mainly, to point this out great america was a blast and stress relief to me because my life is a roller coaster. it has it's up and down Also, it's twist and turns. the people that went was me, tiffany, fiona, gavin, jason,alex, amy. and along i saw nancy too. riding the roller coaster eyes open and screaming was just breath taking because you will be forced to feel pressure. I actually felt good walking like thousands of times, i felt fat so it was a good workout. there was moments where like we laughing because it just hilarious how we were having so much as possible for this summer. Besides being with these people are worth to take an adventure with. at the end we were at jason's house and all i can say i miss his pinball machine it was the best thing to play at his house :D happy!
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